Welcome! We’re talking about reassessing your situation. In this lesson, we’ll be diving into something most mothers have in abundance: stress. By looking at it from both a historical lens and a new perspective, we can see that stress can contribute to our success and influence growth opportunities. In other words, you can utilize your stress to identify where changes need to be made and allow it to propel you forward.
Reframing stress will allow you to reduce anxiety, procrastinate less, and respond to challenges in a healthier way (Jamieson et al., 2021). Understanding how to harness the positive aspects of stress can contribute to your well-being support you in your journey to enhance your life, health, and relationships with others.
Studies have linked stress, either directly or indirectly, to some of the most prominent causes of death, such as heart disease, accidents, cancer, liver disease, lung ailments, and suicide (Salleh, 2008). Stress has also been shown to be related to poor professional outcomes like absenteeism, increased medical expenses, and diminished productivity at work (Street et al., 2015). And according to the American Psychological Association, with the increase of stress from the pandemic, “we are facing a national mental health crisis that could yield serious health and social consequences for years to come” (2020).
Stress has been negatively portrayed in media, the news, workplaces, homes, and schools. It has been perceived as crippling and unavoidable, so much so that simply thinking about stress has become ‘stressful’ itself. The way we have thought about stress has created an anxious and toxic response to something unavoidable. What does that mean? Are we all doomed? After seeing all the adverse effects stress can have on our physical and mental state, it could certainly seem that way.
– When you hear the word ‘stress,’ what are your initial reactions? Physical reactions? Emotional?
– What are the first thoughts that come to mind?
Despite all the scary news, stress is not always harmful. How we think about it influences our experience and stress’s effects on us. If you accept, embrace and welcome stress, it can be a catalyst for positive transformation and change. Research has shown that individuals who responded to trauma positively saw increased awareness, held a greater appreciation of life, saw improved relationships, and enhanced their perceptions of strength and mastery (Park & Helgeson, 2006; Tedeschi & Calhoun, 2004).
So, what determines if stress and trauma will harm or help us? As it turns out, we do. We can turn stress into a growth opportunity by changing our mindset and actions.
There is a considerable amount of research on the effectiveness of mindset changes. When we push ourselves to modify how we think about a situation, it changes how we respond, changing the results. In this sense, our mindset about stress can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Kelly McGonigal, author of to book The Upside of Stress, says, “viewing stress more positively seems to encourage people to cope in ways that help them thrive, whether it’s tackling the source of the stress, seeking social support or finding meaning in it” (Parker, 2015). She identified the three most protective mindset beliefs as:
(Parker, 2015)
Start by taking care of yourself. (Look at you, already well on your way!) We have more resources available to address the situation and continue to move forward when we take care of our own needs. The next step is to do something important to you. It could be anything from connecting with friends to tackling a task you’ve been avoiding. Find one way you can move forward, decreasing negative feelings.
McGonigal also identified the most protective action as finding meaning in stress. Citing a 2013 study on how adults in the U.S. rate the purpose in their life, she says, “rather than being a sign that something is wrong with your life, feeling stressed can be a barometer for how engaged you are in activities and relationships that are personally meaningful” (Parker, 2015)
As part of our evolutionary design, stress activates our physical response system. Our bodies are designed to react physically and mentally to increase our chances of survival.
Think about a time when you overcame an obstacle or challenge where your heart was racing, and you were breathing quicker than usual. What were your circumstances? What caused you to react with this state of arousal? How did you deal with the situation, and what was the outcome?
In the situation you thought about in the reflection above, you may have interpreted the physical responses as anxiety or fear. What if you reframed that anxiety or fear as a source of energy, the surge you needed to deal with the situation? We are wired to have heightened physiological responses in the face of adversity. This ‘fight-or-flight’ response is integral to our survival as a species.
The intent here is not to suggest that all stress is beneficial all the time and that we ignore the evidence of its detrimental links to depression, other mental health disorders, and relationship issues. The intention is to recognize the enhancing qualities and opportunities stress can provide, like the evidence that stress can precede stress-related growth. This positive change would not be possible without a stressful situation (Crum & Lyddy, 2013).
Stress probably brought you here today. Most of you have probably been feeling stressed, overwhelmed, overextended, stretched thin, tense, and maybe even lost. Recognizing these feelings pushed you to seek this opportunity for growth through self-care. As you continue this course, we hope you note where you’re feeling the stress most in your life. Your body is warning you something is wrong. Use that to inform where you need to shift your energy and propel your transformation.
Looking back at the reflection at the beginning of this lesson, how has your perception of stress changed? We know stress is an inevitable aspect of our lives, and although we cannot avoid it, we can undoubtedly equip ourselves with a mindset that will allow us to better deal with symptoms and outcomes with a new lens and set of strategies. If you would like some extra help reframing your stress, download our Stress Analysis Workbook.
Check out Liz’s story of how stress was a positive thing in her life!
Up next is the second phase in Pursue the R.E.A.L. You: Edify Yourself. We’ll discuss the five pillars of self-care in the next lesson.
