Now that you know who you are and who you want to be, you can align your goals and boundaries to help you reach your potential in all five key areas. The next step in pursuing the REAL you is to attain buy-in from yourself and your loved ones. 

What does it mean to attain buy-in? It means accepting and being willing to participate in and support a plan actively. Of course, to accomplish this, you actually need to have a plan. It’s not just enough to want to make shifts in your life. For things to change, to become the person and mother you want to be, you have to know how you’re going to get there. Using SMART goals as a road map, guiding you from milestone to milestone, will set you on the road to success. 

 

What is a SMART Goal?

A SMART goal is Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Timebound. Each element works together to ensure your goals are carefully planned, focused, and trackable, increasing your chances of success. 

If you’ve set goals in the past that were difficult to achieve, it’s likely because they were too aggressive, vague, or poorly framed. Working towards an insufficiently-structured goal can feel intimidating, discouraging, and unachievable. Crafting SMART goals can help you solve these issues.

Setting SMART Goals to Support Self-Care

Setting goals is necessary for self-care because otherwise, we often neglect it. When we know we can set and achieve goals, we grow more confident, improving our mental health. Studies have shown that when goal pursuits involve satisfaction of intrinsic needs (aka self-care), progress towards those goals leads to enhanced positive and reduced adverse effects (Koestner, 2008). Setting SMART goals for self-care is a fantastic way to relieve stress, stay focused, and establish a solid foundation of self-worth and security.

Specific

When your goal is narrow, it becomes clearer how you can accomplish it. Try to break a larger goal into multiple small goals or actions. When you complete the smaller steps, you will feel accomplished and be closer to the end goal. Small steps lead to big success. 

Be sure to celebrate your achievements as you go!  It might seem unnecessary or even as though you are taking your focus off the bigger picture, but in reality celebrating the small wins will give you the satisfaction of achievement you need to keep going. Plus, celebrating yourself is an essential part of self-care.

Example: 

Big Picture Goal: I feel like myself again to better fulfill my role as a wife and mother.

Specific Goal: I will take better care of myself by practicing at least two forms of self-care daily.

Let’s Practice:

To ensure your goal is specific, ask yourself: “What do I want to accomplish?” Think of a specific self-care goal you would like to set and write it down. Underline the specifics.

 

Measurable

This step is essential because it proves you are making progress, keeping you motivated. Additionally, this step can help you reevaluate and correct course when needed. These milestones will help you get to where you want to be. It may seem similar to setting a specific goal, but instead of answering the “what,” it answers the “how.”

Looking at our example, we know we want to practice self-care daily, but that still leaves the question of when and how long. Let’s reevaluate.

Example:

Specific Goal: I will take better care of myself by practicing at least two forms of self-care daily.

Measurable Goal: I will take better care of myself by practicing at least two forms of self-care for 30-60 minutes daily during nap time. 

Let’s Practice:

To ensure your goal is measurable, ask yourself: “How will I know when it is accomplished?” Adjust the self-care goal you set earlier in a measurable way and rewrite it directly underneath. Underline your measures. 

 

Achievable 

Setting goals you can reasonably accomplish will keep you focused and motivated. Before you begin working towards your goal, decide if it’s something you can reasonably achieve now or if you need to alter your plan. Changes might include changing the timeline or adding steps you need first to be better prepared. 

Looking at our example, dedicating 30-60 minutes in one sitting may not be realistic. After all, there is probably a slew of things you want to get done. Setting an unrealistic goal makes you much more likely to push it off or give up after a while in favor of something more manageable. And remember, it’s better to start small and slowly increase your measurements as you get used to the changes. Let’s reevaluate.

Example:

Specific Goal: I will take better care of myself by practicing at least two forms of self-care daily.

Measurable Goal: I will take better care of myself by practicing at least two forms of self-care for 30-60 minutes daily during nap time.

Achievable Goal: I will take better care of myself by practicing one form of self-care for 10-15 minutes in the morning and another form for 10-15 minutes in the evening. 

Let’s Practice:

To ensure your goal is achievable, ask yourself: “Can I realistically accomplish this goal?” Adjust the self-care goal you set earlier in a feasible way and rewrite it directly underneath. Underline your achievable measures.

 

Relevant

Your goals should fit within your values and the big picture. If a plan doesn’t lead toward your broader objective, you might want to rethink it. Identify why the goal matters to you, how achieving it will help you, and how it will contribute toward your long-term goals.

Looking at our example, it seems obvious it connects to our big picture goal. So while it is relevant, we haven’t defined how. Pinpointing how a smaller goal applies to our big goals helps us ensure our “road map” doesn’t take us on any unexpected detours.  Let’s reevaluate.

Example: 

Specific Goal: I will take better care of myself by practicing at least two forms of self-care daily.

Measurable Goal: I will take better care of myself by practicing at least two forms of self-care for 30-60 minutes daily during nap time.

Achievable Goal: I will take better care of myself by practicing one form of self-care for 10-15 minutes in the morning and another form for 10-15 minutes in the evening.

Relevant Goal: I will take better care of myself by practicing one form of self-care for 10-15 minutes in the morning and another form for 10-15 minutes in the evening. This will allow me to reconnect with myself and fill my cup so I can pour myself into my family. 

Let’s Practice:

To ensure your goal is relevant, ask yourself: “Does this goal fit my big picture?” Adjust the self-care goal you set earlier in a relevant way and rewrite it directly underneath. Underline the relevancy.

 

Timebound

Keeping your goal timebound helps you stay motivated and allows you to prioritize. When you reach your end date, evaluate your progress. If you haven’t achieved your goal in your set timeframe, consider why. It might be that it wasn’t as realistic as you thought. Or perhaps you ran into unexpected roadblocks. Whatever the reason, remember you are building resiliency by viewing these as learning opportunities, not failures.

Looking at our example, we have a measurable time frame for how long we will practice self-care each day, but it isn’t timebound. Because our big picture goal is lifelong, we’ll identify when we will assess our progress rather than setting an end date. Let’s reevaluate.

 Example: 

Specific Goal: I will take better care of myself by practicing at least two forms of self-care daily.

Measurable Goal: I will take better care of myself by practicing at least two forms of self-care for 30-60 minutes daily during nap time.

Achievable Goal: I will take better care of myself by practicing one form of self-care for 10-15 minutes in the morning and another form for 10-15 minutes in the evening.

Relevant Goal: I will take better care of myself by practicing one form of self-care for 10-15 minutes in the morning and another form for 10-15 minutes in the evening. This will allow me to reconnect with myself and fill my cup so I can pour myself into my family. 

Timebound Goal: For the next month, I will take better care of myself by practicing one form of self-care for 10-15 minutes in the morning and another form for 10-15 minutes in the evening. This will allow me to reconnect with myself and fill my cup so I can pour myself into my family.

Let’s Practice:

To ensure your goal is timebound, ask yourself: “When will I reevaluate my goal?” Adjust the self-care goal you set earlier to be timebound and rewrite it directly underneath. Underline your evaluation or end date.

 

Common Mistakes to Avoid

Now that you’ve set a self-care SMART goal let’s focus on common mistakes that can derail your efforts. 

Mistake #1: Setting unrealistic goals

When brainstorming possible goals, you want to dream big and let your ambition and imagination run wild. However, once you’ve identified your big picture goal, make sure it’s realistic and can be broken down into achievable smaller steps. If you follow the SMART goal approach, this mistake should be easier to avoid.

Mistake #2: Setting too many goals

Don’t try to change too much at once. Focus on 2-3 things at a time. When we try to change too many things at once, it becomes overwhelming and stressful, making it more likely we’ll give up. Your goals are important! Give them the attention they deserve by using the “quality, not quantity” rule. By limiting the number of goals you’re working on, you’ll have the time and energy to do things well.

Mistake #3: Being vague about the desired outcome

You won’t know what direction to take if you don’t know your end destination. We can better develop a plan with an end goal in mind. Being specific also helps you identify the best next steps to take. 

Mistake #4: Focusing on “negative” goals

The way you think about your goals influences how you feel about them. When you don’t feel good about what you’re doing, you’re not likely to achieve what you set out to do. Reframe “negative” goals in a positive light to boost motivation. 

For example, instead of focusing on “losing weight,” which has negative connotations, reframe it positively, like “getting healthy.” The way we think about things matters. Don’t underestimate the power of your mind. 

Mistake #5: Not planning for obstacles

It’s inevitable; things will get in your way! Even with the best intentions, roadblocks like life changes, illness, or kids interrupting “you time” can derail your goals. It’s best to create a plan for addressing the things you can foresee, and it’s important to be okay adjusting to the things you can’t. Life isn’t perfect all of the time, and we have to account for that.

Mistake #6: Forgetting failure is part of success

Remember how we talked about utilizing stress for good and growth at the beginning of this course? The same is true for perceived failure. Coming up short is a path to success; It gives us perspective on what works and what doesn’t. Use losses to your advantage by learning from what didn’t work and making shifts in your next attempt. 

Mistake #7: Expecting results too soon

It takes over two months (66 days) before a new behavior becomes automatic (Arlinghous & Johnston, 2018). Give yourself time, and don’t give up on yourself too quickly. Don’t expect overnight results, but you can mark when you should see some new developments. That’ll motivate you more and help you to keep going. Be reasonable with expecting results, and positivity will follow.

Mistake #8: Not celebrating the small things

The small things matter! Make sure to celebrate your wins along the way to help keep you motivated. Some ideas on how to celebrate include dancing, giving yourself a high-five, sharing with your spouse or friend, to name a few. Be proud of your progress and keep doing your best.

 

Reflection Question

• What area of self-care will you set your SMART goal for? 

 

Up Next…

Now that we have attained buy-in for ourselves by setting self-care SMART goals, we will talk about how to get your loved ones in on your plan by asking for their support. 

 

Resources

• Arlinghaus, K. R., & Johnston, C. A. (2018). The importance of creating habits and routine. American Journal of Lifestyle Medicine, 13(2), 142–144. https://doi.org/10.1177/1559827618818044
• Koestner, R. (2008). Reaching One’s personal goals: A motivational perspective focused on autonomy. Canadian Psychology/Psychologie Canadienne, 49(1), 60–67. https://doi.org/10.1037/0708-5591.49.1.60 
• The Mind Tools Content Team (n.d.). Eight common goal-setting mistakes: – achieving your dreams the right way. From MindTools.com. Retrieved March 5, 2022, from https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/goal-setting-mistakes.htm