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Beauty in Bedlam

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Pursue the REAL You

How to Identify What You Need

The five pillars of self-care work in unison to create wholeness in your life. By incorporating physical, emotional, social, intellectual, and spiritual activities into your daily routine, you are nourishing your complete self. Making time to care for ourselves is crucial to living a balanced, happy, healthy, fulfilling life.

But determining where you should focus your efforts can add to the deluge of your day. And the last thing you need as a busy mom is more overwhelm. So, let’s talk about how to identify what you truly need. 

Develop Your Self-Care Plan

Self-care isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution; what a stay-at-home mom to toddlers needs will be different from a working mom to a teen. The demands of your daily life influence what kind of self-care you might need the most. Your self-care plan will require customization to your needs and current life situation. Taking steps each day, ensuring you are getting what you need, will help you manage the stress and challenges of your daily life.  

Follow these steps to help you build a self-care plan to fit your needs:

  1. Assess your needs. Make a list of the different areas of your life and significant activities you engage in each day. Or, use our Self-Care Survey to help you determine what areas you’d like to focus on. 
  2. Consider your stressors. Identify aspects of these areas that cause stress and consider ways to address that stress.
  3. Devise self-care strategies. Think about some activities you can do to help you feel better in each area of your life. When you discover you’re neglecting a particular aspect of your life, create a change plan.
  4. Plan for challenges. Integrating anything new into our lives takes time. This is especially true when changing patterns of behavior. Expect push-back, both from yourself and even your loved ones. This shift is new for all of you, but if you stick with it, it will be worth it. 
  5. Schedule time to focus on your needs. Make self-care a priority even when you feel like you don’t have time to squeeze in one more thing. When you’re caring for every aspect of yourself, nurturing your five pillars, you’ll find you can operate more effectively and efficiently. You’ll be better equipped to care for and love your family by showing love to yourself.

Download: The Self-Care Survey: Nailing your self-care needs

 Don’t Forget!

We’re going to cover how to fit self-care into your life in the upcoming lessons, but for now, we want to make sure you don’t forget a vital piece: grace. You have a lot on your plate, mama. If self-care is starting to feel like just another thing on your never-ending to-do list, remember you don’t have to do it all. It’s okay to focus on one pillar at a time. In fact, it’s more than okay. When instituting a new habit, you’ll be more successful if you don’t try to change too much too fast. Remember, the name of the game with Pursue the REAL You (and life in general) is small steps, big shifts. 

Up Next…

Now that we’ve identified how to edify your life and place your focus, we’ll delve into the third stage of Pursue the REAL You: Attaining buy-in.

 

Spiritual Self-Care
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Setting SMART Goals
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Has your inner voice been bringing you down? It mi Has your inner voice been bringing you down? It might have sounded like this:

- You are not enough
- You aren’t lovable
- You are a failure
- You’re overreacting
- It’s too late

Honestly, the list could go on and on. After all, we’re our own worst critics. Right?

But it doesn’t have to be that way. It shouldn’t be that way. It’s time to take back your power and stop believing those lies. Make it RAIN!

1️⃣ Realize you’re being a jerk to yourself. 

2️⃣ Accept and acknowledge that the thought happened. Don’t beat yourself up further!

3️⃣ Investigate what is truth, exaggeration, or false perception. 

4️⃣ “NOPE” to the negativity and switch to a neutral or positive

- I love myself for who I am now
- I trust that ______ loves me
- Failing is okay, it means I tried
- These feelings are okay
- I can start now

Slow down. Analyze your thoughts. Flip the script.

You deserve a happier you.

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“We didn’t set out to be superheroes, but some “We didn’t set out to be superheroes, but sometimes life doesn’t go the way you planned. 

Who are we?”

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Good things come to those who wait. 3 years and 8 Good things come to those who wait. 3 years and 8 months, almost to the day, and I’m a braceface no more! It’s crazy to think this was the first time my youngest has EVER seen me without braces. 

It was a long, long road with lots of frustrations, complications, and delays, but it just makes today that much sweeter. Now to eat Indian Korma without the fear of staining brackets and caramel apples without worrying about knocking anything off.
Oftentimes women put themselves at the end of thei Oftentimes women put themselves at the end of their to-do lists—or don't even put themselves on the list at all! This is scary when you think about health care to-do lists.

Studies found that most women ranked their time spent managing health care in the following order:

1. Children
2. Pets
3. Elder relatives
4. Spouse or significant others
5. Themselves

I put myself as priority #1 today and went to the optometrist to update my prescription. (Hello crazy dilated eyes!) Turns out that my eyes have changed so much that I jumped 5 whole lines in the eye exam. No wonder I’ve been struggling with blurred vision and headaches!

Do you struggle making your health a priority? What if there was a way for you to easily manage not only your family’s needs, but yours as well? Are you ready to make yourself a priority?
Do you ever feel like the grief you carry isn’t Do you ever feel like the grief you carry isn’t legitimate? That it’s too small or too old or you’re too blessed? 

I’ve felt that.

Ten years ago today I experienced my second miscarriage. The first time it happened so early I didn’t even realize what was happening until a nurse at my university clinic told me. This time we thought we were far enough along it was “safe” to tell our families. I was so devastated I asked my sister to tell everyone for me because I couldn’t bear saying the words another time. Yet, I didn’t feel like it was right for me to grieve for long because I had a healthy seven month old baby to love and the pregnancy had been a surprise. I thought I was wrong to feel so sad when I had friends who hadn’t been able to get pregnant at all. I didn’t believe I was allowed true grief. But the hole in my heart remained.

Over the years the pain of loss dulled and the thoughts of what could have been became less frequent. Yet the guilt of grief was still there when they came. Who was I, mom to five beautifully rambunctious girls, to mourn such early losses from so long ago?

I’ve come to realize that grief isn’t bound by size or time or blessings. We don’t recover from grief, we grow in it. Grief provides perspective on our immense capacity for finding strength and becomes part of how we share our humanity.

So if you’ve ever felt like the grief you carry isn’t legitimate, I’m here to tell you it is and you are allowed to feel it.
. Repeat after me: "I 𝙖𝙢 𝙣𝙤𝙩 resp .
Repeat after me: 

"I 𝙖𝙢 𝙣𝙤𝙩 responsible for how others respond to my boundaries. I 𝙖𝙢 responsible for setting and honoring my boundaries."

✨ Are you ready to build greater self-esteem?

✨ Are you ready to clarify who you are, what you want, what you value and believe?

✨ Are you ready to focus on yourself and your well-being?

✨ Are you ready to enhance your mental health and emotional well-being?

✨ Are you ready to develop independence?

✨ Are you ready to gain a greater sense of identity?

It can be tricky navigating how to identify, set, and enforce boundaries, but you don't have to do it alone. If you are ready to see boundaries work their magic in your life and don't know where to start, I have the guidance you need. In just a few weeks I'll be launching my flagship course, The Boundary Breakdown, where I'll walk you through the five steps to becoming a boundaried person, guilt-free.

Are you ready?
I’m an enneagram type 6, which basically means I I’m an enneagram type 6, which basically means I’m a natural worrier. If you look it up, often the first thing noted about type sixes is we “anticipate life’s dangers.”

When I walk into a building I note where exits are.

When I’m driving, I’m hyper-vigilant about what other drivers around me are doing, anticipating mistakes they might make.

When I’m planning any event I think about all the things that can go wrong, what I’ll do to minimize the likelihood of it happening, and how I’ll respond if it does.

For me, thinking of the worst calms me because I know I’m prepared should it happen. I handle chaotic situations extremely well because, more often than not, I’ve played through a similar scenario in my head already.

I’ve spent the last few days updating our “bug out bags” or 72-hour kits. It’s been on my to-do list for a while and knowing it’s finally done has brought me an immense amount of peace. Hopefully we won’t ever need them, but they’re ready in case we do.

I’m fascinated by enneagrams and what they can teach us about ourselves. I always felt like such a weirdo for thinking the way I do, until I read about the enneagram. Turns out I’m not alone! Though probably still weird. 😉

Tell me, what’s your enneagram number? How have you seen it manifest in your life?
This is pure pride and joy. After over a decade o This is pure pride and joy.

After over a decade of changing majors three times, transferring five times, putting school on hold to raise babies and support my husband through medical school and residency, I just put in my application for graduation. I still have a few courses and an internship to complete, but there is an end in sight. It’s finally actually real.

Tell me, what’s something big you’ve always wanted to accomplish? What’s holding you back from getting it done?
School starts one month from today and this little School starts one month from today and this little lady will be starting first grade. Here in Idaho kindergarten is only half day, so this will be her first time experiencing lunch at school. This made me super nervous because they only get about 15 minutes to eat. A challenge for most kids, but especially for this girly with ADHD who often takes an hour (or longer) to actually eat her food. 

To quell my worries we started practicing today. I made her lunch just as I would on a regular school day. She got to grab her lunchbox, unzip, unbuckle, open packages, eat, and clean up all on her own. I also let her know I set a 15-minute timer and once it went off all food was to be put away, wether she was done or not. I thought this first day would be a struggle, since most days are, but she surprised me by doing everything on her own AND finishing all her food in ten minutes. 🤯

We’ll keep practicing to make sure the time limit really sinks in, but today reminded me that people are often more capable than we give them credit for. This is true for adults, kids, and even ourselves. When we understand the task at hand, what is being asked of us, it’s easier to rise to the occasion. We might surprise ourselves and nail it the first time or it might take a few tries to really get it down, but we can accomplish anything we set our mind to.

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