“There are rare people who will show up at the right time, help you through the hard times, and stay in your best times… those are the keepers.”
– Nausicaa Twila
Social self-care is all about our connections with other people. With how busy and interactive our world is these days, it may seem as though you have lots of social contact, but it lacks the depth and meaning we crave for many of us. Our overall health, happiness, and well-being depend on spending quality time with friends and family. It builds connections to support you through both the good and challenging times of life.
Yet, as a caregiver, putting the needs of those you love first may mean you are neglecting your own social needs. Mothers need to remember their well-being is just as important as caring for their families. Try practicing social self-care to keep you from feeling isolated and build your emotional reserves.
Though we all have varying levels of connectedness needs, humans are innately social and require outside connections to thrive – yes, even introverts. Maintaining healthy bonds with family and friends impacts our emotions, physiology, and behavior (Hawkley et al., 2009; Holt et al., 2017; Mikulincer & Shaver, 2007; Umberson & Montez, 2010). Research has found that those who lack social connections are 50% more likely to die early than those with strong, healthy relationships (Harvard Medical School, 2011). While it may seem trivial, social self-care is essential.
It can become too easy for mothers to become so engulfed in caring for their families that they forget to reach out to others. Over time, society has started to lose the sense of the village, and families are paying for that loss (Cannino, 2020). But close connections are vital to your well-being. Healthy relationships ensure we have people to support us, listen to us, and create memories with us.
Making surface-level connections with others is not equivalent to social self-care. These relationships and interactions should be dynamic and give you a boost of energy and confidence. Having meaningful conversations and participating in meaningful activities will ensure you get the quality time you need.
– How do you define quality time with friends?
– How do you define quality time with family?
– Are these definitions the same or different? Why?
– Who are three people you would like to spend more quality time with this week?
– What will you do to spend quality time with these people?
Social media has only been around for a little over twenty years, but it’s an integral part of everyday life. There are positives and negatives to thins. On a positive note, social media keeps you connected with people near and far, provides a creative outlet to share stories and photos, and can be a source of inspiration, motivation, and information. On the negative side, it can increase anxiety, lower self-esteem, get you caught in a comparison trap, and exacerbate depression. The key to dealing with social media through a lens of self-care is actively constructing your relationship with social media so it’s helpful, not harmful.
It’s easy to look at someone’s “life” on social media and compare your life to theirs. You might begin to feel bad about how you look, the state of your home, your social life, your love life, your parenting, or a variety of other things. If this starts to happen, remind yourself that social media is simply a highlight reel, and you’re not seeing the whole picture (or what’s hiding behind those perfectly staged photos). You never truly know another person’s story, so there’s no point in comparing your novel to someone else’s highlight reel.
Granted, what’s happening behind the scenes isn’t always negative; those people may have happy, stable, balanced lives – but they’re also human and, therefore, not perfect. But suppose you can’t enjoy social media for what it is (that is, a mere glimpse into someone else’s life). You’re constantly comparing yourself to others to the point of feeling envious, insecure, or hopeless. In that case, it’s time to take matters into your own hands.
The best way to use social media is to connect with friends (old and new), inspire others and be inspired, and find beauty and motivation. Social media can boost your mood if you carefully curate the content you see. Think of your social media account as a museum. Anyone you follow can “post” their art to your museum walls. Is their “art” (consisting of photos, opinions, videos, words, and energy) the kind of art you would allow in your “museum”? Ask this about each person you follow. If the answer is “YES,” continue following and interacting with this person, grateful for the beauty and motivation they provide. If the answer is “NO,” you should unfollow, block, or censor these “artists” for your mental self-care.
An excellent way to monitor your social media consumption is by setting clearly defined screen limits for yourself each day. Once these screen limits are in place, you can schedule them into your day so you can control your social media interactions and not the other way around.
Think about your social media needs. For most people, twenty minutes a day is more than enough. Give yourself ten minutes in the morning and ten minutes in the evening to check social media. Set a timer for the allotted time before opening social media and then close it the second the timer goes off. Soon enough, you’ll have control over your relationship with social media, so it doesn’t take over other areas of your life.
Suppose you find that curating your social media and setting screen time limits still doesn’t eradicate your feelings of envy, poor self-image, or anxiety. In that case, it’s in your best interest to commit to a social media detox. This break will help reset your mind and your perspective.
Connecting with other individuals and the world around you is crucial in self-care. As you grow into a more complete, focused, clear, happy, and centered version of yourself, you must share this positivity with others. The ripple effect is real. Drop yourself into the world with your self-care cup full to the brim and watch the impact your energy has on the environment and individuals around you.
Your friendships are powerful. At their best, they can build you up, provide you with a sense of love and community, increase the amount of fun you experience, and create a reliable support system. At their worst, they can be destructive, leading you away from your value system, and negatively impacting the trajectory of your life.
Relationships should be uplifting and energizing. Ask yourself the following questions to quickly identify if your friendship is healthy and enhances your life. After you spend quality time with this friend, do you:
If your answer was number one, nourish this healthy friendship. If the answer is number two, it’s best for both parties to part ways.
While volunteering appears to be a wholly selfless act, it’s also beneficial to you. There is a myriad of perks to volunteering, including:
There are many available volunteer opportunities out there. When choosing where and how you want to volunteer, start by looking at your interests. Once you choose your cause, try to volunteer consistently. Whether once a week, once a month, or even once a year, having a consistent volunteering opportunity will give you something positive to look forward to.
Children watch what you do. When you give back to the community, you’ll show your kids first-hand how they can make a difference, and they’ll discover for themselves how good it feels to help other people. It’s also a valuable way to spend quality time together as a family, fostering and strengthening your relationships.
Sometimes regardless of the amount of self-care you pour into yourself, you can’t do everything alone. Asking for help is not a weakness–it’s a strength. Recognizing your limitations and being willing to be vulnerable will help you and strengthen your relationships. We’re going to be going into greater detail into exactly how to ask for help later, but for now, let’s focus on the kind of people you can reach out to.
Reach out to a trusted friend if you need assistance or a connection. Most people don’t know you need them–or what you need–if you don’t specifically tell them. Don’t be afraid to ask for exactly what you need during a difficult time.
If you have a healthy family dynamic, this can be an excellent place to go for support because you will be loved, not judged.
Therapists, counselors, and coaches can listen without judgment and can help you see things from a different perspective. They can be an excellent source of clarity, and it can feel freeing to talk to someone trained to help you.
If you have a specific religious affiliation, you may find it beneficial to seek assistance through your religious institution. This way, your belief system and faith can be woven into your road to optimal self-improvement.
– What does social self-care mean to you?
– What’s one way you can improve your social self-care?
– How will you start implementing this change? When, where, how. Be specific!
We’ll discuss the fourth pillar in the next lesson: intellectual self-care.
